They left... and it's great!

I keep seeing profile picture updates from my former [private school] students who transferred out to another school. Each time I do, my heart leaps a little leap of joy.

This is not to be vindictive against my former employers. It's just that I love these students so much that I want them to explore their full potentials outside their safest littlest comfort zone — the school they grew up in. On retrospect of my student life, I know full well how detrimental thriving in a small comfort zone is.

It's a law of physics, "an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless an outside force acts upon it." It's the same with people. We tend to stay in our comforting little bubbles, because there's no one challenging us from the inside. We tend to become little robots, following only what's the norm inside our safe havens. Then, the moment we are forced out of our comfort zone after eons of staying in it, we falter. We trip and we fall, not knowing how to walk on a field with a different gravity with the place we were so comfortable with.

We tend to be complacent with what we do, exerting only the bare minimum to "survive." We do not exert our maximum efforts, thinking that "Hey, I was able to pass this way before; it turned out fine." When we are comfortable, we tend to laze away with the mediocrity. Because we were already triumphant with our bare minimum, we repeatedly act at exceedingly comfortable levels that we so often give creativity up in exchange for compliance. Yet we get rewarded. We get lionized just because we completed our  tasks — tasks that were so routinely done. 

Inside our comfort zones, we risk the danger of losing our sense of self. The more we are challenged, the more we know about ourselves. We learn what makes us tick, what requires us to quit. We find out the full potential of what we can contribute to the world we live in. Lounging too much in our comfort zones kills most of our opportunities to unleash our full potentials.

My students left their comfort zones... and that is great! This is not to vilify those who stayed, that is also perfectly okay. I just wish for their personal growth though, that they continually find ways to push outside their bubbles little by little. I wish that they try to push the walls they, and their environment, have built around themselves. I wish that they continually expand their horizons, making their comfort zones bigger and bigger as they grow older. #

Incoherent thoughts

Words don't flow through my mind as smoothly as they used to be. They now come in snippets; little bubbles of ideas that could be great when they stand alone, but all mucked up when put together.

I had read before an anecdote of a famous book author. In that short glimpse of his life one "fun fact" about him stood out to me: he writes whatever he thinks about at the moment no matter how mumbo-jumbo they may sound, yet his words weave together so well as if they were intended to be published to the world as meaningful as they were.

Perhaps it was the culture of his time. With less distractions, perhaps he could have had more time to sew the perfect word combinations. I cannot seem to have that anymore, that luxury of having nothing to distract me.

Please forgive me if this composition appears to be so incoherent. 

Between the last two sentences preceding this one, I already have spent several hours doing a lot, but achieving nothing really worthwhile. I opened all possible airways in our small house. I tended my twisted knee the way I know that can lessen the pain (it's already been a week since I twisted it, yet I don't have the courage to have it checked at the hospital). I played several card games with my fiancé. I aimlessly browsed through 3 different shopping apps offering an 8.8 sale. I kinda re-watched two Studio Ghibli movies (kinda, because it was set in English dub. I don't like English dubs. I prefer dubs in the original language). I talked with a friend about how he thinks he is depressed; I don't even know if I was able to help.

I smell like a pungent kilo of pressed garlic. I haven't bathed for two days, not because I'm lazy - it is so hot one cannot afford the choice to not take a bath! - but because my manghihilot told me not to take a bath for 3 days.

Just now my fiancé disturbed my train of thought. He was asking if I would like to have a TS cardigan. Like the fuck OF COURSE I DO. But I saw the price and backed up. I, we, have a wedding to plan. I don't want to have unnecessary spendings before the wedding.

Right now we're watching another movie. The Hitman's Wife Bodyguard. The man's gotta have his testosterone fix for today.

I cannot think straight now. I have to be off. 

PH Olympic High

 

The Big 4 of PH Olympic lineup during #Tokyo2020. Image from Philippine Star Facebook page.

#Tokyo2020 was a great Olympic run for the Philippines. For the first time ever, we heard our national anthem played on the awarding ceremony. It was a tear-inducing moment for a country that waited for almost a century for it to happen.

But more than that gold, it's the stories these athlete brought with them that resonates deep within our people's collective souls.

As a semi-avid follower of the Olympic games, I was able to follow Hidilyn Diaz's Olympic journey for that coveted gold. From her debut at Beijing in 2008, to her disheartening DNF at London in 2012 (where she was the PH flag bearer), to settling for silver at Rio in 2016, to that awe-inspiring golden lift at Tokyo - not to mention her mental health battle, especially when she was haphazardly included in the Oust Du30 matrix - Hidilyn proved to be the golden ray of sunshine the country needed in the time of the coronavirus pandemic. With her winning lift, she has also lifted the spirits of Filipinos here and abroad. Plus, her forgiving nature to those who wronged her is a real class act. 

Days later, it was Nesthy Petecio's turn to deliver the PH delegation's first silver medal on women's boxing. Just like her namesake, Nesthy was such a refreshing presence on the boxing ring. I have huge respect for LGBTQ+ athletes who choose to compete within the sex group they were born into. They are only being fair, that is, biologically. Nesthy dedicating her silver medal on the WOMEN'S boxing to the LGBTQ+ community in the Philippines is a refreshing way to honor the community coming from the athlete themselves. 

Eumir Marcial's bronze medal finish is a testament that good things come to those who wait. Eumir was already signed as a pro boxer under Manny Pacquiao's promotion and had one pro win. But he went back to amateur boxing, and waited for his turn to deliver his promise to his father: that he will bring home an Olympic medal. That he did spectacularly: his fights leading to the semifinals were one-round KO's. His fight with the Ukrainian was a really close fight, we couldn't have been more proud of his efforts in the ring. 

Perhaps the most poetic PH medal finish during Tokyo 2020 is Carlo Paalam's silver medal for the men's flyweight in boxing. Carlo used to be a scavenger, trading scraps for a little money. Now he's got an Olympic silver medal - made from cellphone scraps - which entitled him to at least 17M pesos worth of honorarium from public and private parties. No wonder he stared really hard at his medal during the awardimg ceremony - perhaps he was amused by the poetic justice boxing has afforded him. He also tagged along with him his coach of over a decade, the one who discovered his potential in a boxing park in Mindanao. 

Aside from these medalists we also saw some spirited efforts and uplifting stories from the other PH athletes in the Games. There's skateboarder Margielyn Didal, who captured the admiration of of the international sporting community with her optimistic charms and bright smiles. There's EJ Obiena who stood his ground on his right to a fair play by calmly but firmly explaining himself to the judges, even though it may not have given him a medal. There's the gymnastics darling Carlos Yulo who almost clinched a medal with his perfectly executed 2nd vault attempt. The golfers Yuka Saso, Bianca Pagdanganan, and Juvic Pagunsan, who all braved the heat in the golf course to finish their turns. There's also another boxer, Irish Magno who was the first Filipina boxer to ever join the Olympics. Swimmers Remedy Rule and Luke Gebbie and runner Kristina Knott holding - and Gebbie even breaking - the national records for their respective pet events. There's also rower Cris Nievares, who was the first Pinoy rower in five olympiads to join the competition. Judoka Kiyomi Watanabe who was the flag-bearer in the Tokyo 2020 opening ceremony. Weightlifter Elreen Ando and shooter Jayson Valdez doing their absolute best to represent the country.

For a country seemingly distraught over its local stories in last few years, this batch of Olympic delegation is arguably the best batch to ever represent our country in the Games. We are lucky enough to have witnessed their fight during perhaps the most trying time of our lifetime.

Congratulations to all these athletes! Padayon!

#

Angels

 Your dead friend is now your angel.

And just when you lack the motivation to go on, he'll appear on your Memories to remind you of why you even started. You started for the almost the same reason he did - to somehow right the wrongs you made in your youth. So, remember that he was there with you through all the frustrating whole-day weekend Math classes. Remember that he was there with you to buy you that cup of ice cream to cool your head of the frustrations you were airing. That he was there with you to help you fix your misjudgments of your beau. That he was there with you to pour you a drink for all your troubles, for all your heartbreaks, and even for all your achievements - however little, however extravagant. Trust me when I say, that even when he's gone, he will still be there for you. He will still be there for you. Even when you weren't there for him to pour him a drink for the last time.

Your dead friend is now your angel.

And just when your heart has become too weary to be happy, he'll appear on your Memories to remind you that happiness is right where you are. Perhaps, you just needed to turn around a bit to see happiness clumped in a corner just behind you. Perhaps, you just needed to sprint a very short distance to join happiness in that very fleeting moment. Your friend will remind you that he was there, too, there in that perfect snapshot of happiness of that moment. So, remember that he will be happy to see you choose happiness amidst the toxicity of everything. Remember that he will be happy to see you conquer the challenges you are facing right now, just as you would have conquered the steep slopes of that mountain he told you about. Remember that he will be ecstatic to see you smile, to see you laugh, even when you were not able to see him do so in his death bed.

Your dead aunt is now your angel.

And just when your burdens have begun to feel as heavy as she was all those years ago that you had been her human walking stick on the way home, she'll appear on your Memories to remind you that your very core is as strong as your arms back then. So, remember that your heart may be heavy, and you may not know why it is so, but please, please remember, that you can carry it home, wherever home would be in this life. Remember that you have strong arms to lift the burdens you have up above. Remember that you can carry them while walking little step by little step towards your goal. your would be home.

You won't be needing additional angels. No, not right now. 

Your loved ones need not you to be their angel. No, not right now. So remember to live. Live and do not be just another memory. 

#

The New Year Post

2020 was a challenging year for me (mostly mentally). I barely made it out of 2020 alive, literally. 

And since I am still breathing as 2021 starts, I thought maybe a rundown of major blessings is in order. Here are the biggest, most treasured blessings I had for the past year. 

1. My mom survived COVID-19. She was fairly healthy, and so she remained asymptomatic during the time she contacted the virus. I am extremely thankful to have had a healthy set of parents even when they're at their old age.

2. My career has *really* started. While I have already been teaching for three years, but that was in a private school. This year I got got in the ranking for public school teacher applicants. By September, I got my school assignment and started my teacher duties right away.

3. I think I got saved from suicide. The last few weeks of November up to the first week of December took a toll on me. I constantly saw myself dead in my dreams or in epiphanies. A forced phone call from a dear friend saved me. [I haven't fully recovered yet. I still don't want to talk to people other than family and most trusted friends, but I am now doing better than I did the night I thought I would die.]

4. My boyfriend got his first motorcycle. It was such a convenience to have. We can go out whenever we want (to some extent) without having to risk commuting.

5. I've got really supportive new co-teachers. Due to the new normal setting, I have never met most of them in person. I kinda suck at camaraderie during face-to-face situations, and work-from-home settings heightened this on me. So it was such a blessing that my co-teachers were very supportive and approachable even when I haven't seen them yet.

You know how movie sequels are usually not as impactful as the first installment? I have this weird a feeling that 2021 would be like that. It's the nine-month long 2020 movie but with less stress. It's the 2020 movie with a blander plot though hopefully better ending.

I still don't feel like telling stories, so I guess I'll keep this post short.

Welcome, 2021! Happily blessed New Year to all! 😊🎉