You, young one

Hey.

I saw you change your profile and cover photos on Facebook. Does it mean there's something new in your life you'll be venturing in? Or are you just sharing an old passion to everyone when you used to be too shy to show it? 

Don't get me wrong, I am not stalking you. Your profile updates just passed by my newsfeed. I didn't even bother to react to it when I saw it, as I was always wont to do when I see posts that speak to me (I'm a reactor, you see). 

But some things hit me just a little bit late. 

I don't know how, probably half a day after I saw your updates, it got me smiling. Real smiling. Maybe it's because I have seen you rendered voiceless when you were forced to sing in front of hundreds. Maybe it's because I have heard you stutter when you were confronted by people you fear. Maybe it's because I have seen you cry and be vulnerable with your closest buddies. Maybe it's because I have seen you timidly cover your face with your hand when you have to face people. Or maybe you got me wishing I was like you.

You see, when I was your age, I never had the talent that you have: I cannot draw, I cannot sing, and for the love of God, I cannot play any instrument. When I was your age, I never had the fashion sense that you have: shirts and jeans were my only life. When I was your age, I never had the aesthetic appreciation that you have. When I was your age, I never had the sense of individuality that you have oozing out of you, despite that surface introversion. 

Yet here you are right now, on the brink of doing things I only wish I could have done when I was your age. Funny how the young often makes the old realize how their youth had un-satisfyingly gone by, eh? (Yes, at 27, I funnily feel old, dear.)

Whatever it is you desire to be, I only have one wish for you and all the other students I have loved and will still love, that is, I wish you do not waste your youth. I never want you to grow old and look back at your life with so many what-ifs and unfulfilled wishes. 

Keep doing what your heart desires, so long as you're not breaking any rules. Keep loving, keep hurting, keep feeling. Keep singing, at the top of your lungs, the tunes of youthful exuberance. Keep strumming the chords of youthful melancholia, never mind the calloused fingers it may cause. Keep dressing in youthful colors, no matter how rainbow-ish you might look. Keep your artfulness. Keep your music. And keep being just you.

I will just be here, at a distance in space and probably in time, proud of what an inspiring individual you have set yourself to become.

Always here, 

Ma'am Bern 💗

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Isn't it ironic?

When the man who has nothing becomes your everything.

        "no darling. i'm sorry. i have nothing at all."

When you just don't want to talk to the person you miss the most.

        "please leave. please don't talk. please end the call."

When you see him to share but all your tales got lost

        "it's a long story. don't mind it. skip it."

When you've known him only for a few months

        and you can't live without him.

When the one whose womb you've lived for months

        can't talk to you on a whim.

When you're stuck in traffic on the way to the gym

        so you can move your body, your waistline, too, hopefully

When you save, save, save for the future

        but in the future you're just ailing so hopelessly.

When they require you to wear a mask

        and you've already been wearing one for a long time.

When the pillars of quality education fail to comprehend.

When the teacher's son does not have tools to learn.

When there's money for sand but not for bread.

When infidels make you straight.

When Christians kill your faith. 

#

Freeze the #AcademicFreeze

I get it, we are all adjusting. Students, teachers, parents, other stakeholders - we are are all shocked by the sudden change in education brought about by COVID-19 pandemic. But let us weigh in several factors before jumping into the trend that is #AcademicFreezeNow. Because, like it or not, students and teachers are not the only people involved in education.

ACADEMIC FREEZE - PROS

• Safer from virus
• It's easy: No classes of any kind, no physical contacts aside from family (ideally). Teachers will not have to report to school (some schools with online class platforms still require their teachers to come to school). Parents will not have to commute to pick up learning modules. Students will not have to make rakets big or small in order to finance their online classes needs. Basically, no real reason to go out and risk contacting COVID-19 aside from catering to the very basic needs during an academic freeze.
• More time to get ready
• DepEd and CHED both are JUST. NOT. GROUND-LEVEL. READY. FOR. DISTANCE. LEARNING. There, I've said it. I have seen firsthand how teachers struggle to learn how to navigate through technology despite a gazillion of webinars made available online. I have read some modules distributed online by teachers and school heads are just not proofread thoroughly (and who can even forget that DepEd test broadcast fiasco?). I have attended webinars that underwent difficulties due to intermittent internet connection (same would basically happen in an online class). Teachers are not going to be able to relearn and adapt to new ways of doing their jobs in just a matter of months. Quality education will not be assured by sub-par modules as alternative learning materials. Finally, unless PLf---ingDT, Globe f----ing Telecom, and other internet service providers actually provide us with the internet service we pay for, online classes will just be a vacuous farce. A time-bound academic freeze will give more time for everyone involved to address these needs for a quality distance learning.
• Economic and social relief of certain degree for families
• In every social media posts vehemently pushing for an Academic Freeze, there sure will be statements there along the lines of, "Pambili na nga lang ng pagkain, ipanglo-load pa" or "Hindi lahat ay conducive ang bahay o pamilya para sa pag-aaral" or "Handa ang ibang ibaba ang dignidad para maitawid ang pang-online class." [It is my understanding that most of these posts come from college students since CHED did not really give other options for tertiary education to continue other than thru online learning]. An academic freeze sure can help families focus their meager budget on basic necessities amidst the pandemic.
• Mental health break
• Living through a pandemic is already really shitty enough as it is. Having additional tasks for mere compliance with would really take a toll both on the learners and on the teachers. In some schools that have already started online classes, I have seen learners struggle to comply with an average of 4-5 unique learning tasks per week per subject!! (Not including quizzes and self-reflection activities). Multiply that to 7-9 subjects they enrolled in, so that's about 28-45 unique tasks per week! In the face-to-face set up, never have I ever seen a student accomplish such mountain of school tasks in a week (even when I was the student). It is pretty much the same scenario with the teachers. Teachers, on top of developing lessons in platforms they are not familiar with, will have to check thousands of outputs submitted by their learners (this is especially taxing with modular approach), and do loads of clerical work on their own. In the face-to-face set up, teachers can actually assign some of their clerical work (like checking of attendance, or checking of assignments) to responsible volunteer students. I can only imagine all the stress and anxiety these workloads for students and teachers alike would cause amidst the hovering problem of a global pandemic.

ACADEMIC FREEZE - CONS

• Unemployment of private school employees
• Teachers are not the only employees of private schools. There are counselors, registrars, clerks, accountants, IT workers, maintenance and security personnel to consider. In the event of an academic freeze, private school owners will not have the financial source to continue employing these people. Since the pandemic hit the Philippines, a number of small private schools have already declared bankruptcy, leaving their employees unemployed at a time when finding employment is much elusive. An academic freeze will only further the unemployment rate of the country, leaving more families struggling financially.
• Unemployment of people from industries that cater to education
• When we talk of education, our viewpoint should not stop in schools. For education to flourish, schools have to seek industries that cater to their cause. These industries may include, but not limited to, publishing houses, LMS providers, training institutes, and supplemental product makers. With an academic freeze, these industries will have no clients, consequently, no need for employees. As with the case with private schools laying off employees during an academic freeze, this will only add up to our country's already failing unemployment rate.
• Widening the gap between rich and poor
• I have seen several posts advocating for an academic freeze saying that continuing the school year will further widen the gap between the rich and the poor because of digital divide. I beg to disagree. Suppose an academic freeze pushes through here in the country. The rich will have the option instead to enroll on online platforms of schools abroad. They can continue their formal schooling. They can continue learning. They can move forward. Meanwhile the poor who depends on the government education programs for their schooling will remain in their current place. They'll be stuck in being uneducated. Then rich and ambitious opportunists will take advantage of the poor who remained uneducated. (Okay, I'm getting really far-fetched here but I do hope you see the picture). At least with modules and TV/radio broadcast options, the poor can still have access to formal education and the gap in education brought by the digital divide will be narrower.
• Anxiety due to schooling delays
• Some supporters of academic freeze would like to suspend any schooling activities until  the country has already won against the pandemic. The question though is, WHEN WILL THAT HAPPEN?? With the incompetent, deaf-and-blind, government leadership we have now, can we truly expect Philippines to win against COVID-19 anytime soon? For all we know, this could last for several years. What will happen to those who expect to graduate from their dream courses in a year or two? Those whose target scholarship grants rely on them finishing their schooling as soon as possible? How about those children who were caught doing their homeworks under the light of fastfood chains and book shops, how anxious would they be if their schooling stops abruptly because of reasons they cannot take control of? Anxiety due to schooling delays is as real and as burdensome as anxiety due to loads of required school work.
• Little to no guided work for most school-age children
• Part of the mandate of state-funded basic education is to teach at least basic reading, writing, and arithmetic to school-age children. To ensure their learning, it is especially crucial not to delay schooling for very young children as this is the time when literacy and numeracy is being developed. Delays in learning will have a negative compounding effect in the latter years. In an event of an academic freeze, there will be little to no guided work for most school-age children dedicated for their learning. Those who have access to gadgets and the internet will consume a lot more unhealthy screen time with no impact on their development. On the other hand, those underprivileged children will not even consider finding resources for learning (which the government could have provided to them for free) as it is not their priority. As such, we could expect a steeper decline in the level of reading comprehension and numeracy skills of younger Filipinos than what we had right before the pandemic struck.

MY STAND?

I actually used to support academic freeze. But after trying to weigh in more realities into my opinion, I now think, far more sectors will be adversely affected by an academic freeze compared to continuing the school year. There is no 100% "good" way to solve this education dilemma we have now. Whichever way our government goes with this, there will be people who are negatively affected, but then again, I'd rather choose fewer sectors suffer. The harsh reality is, education is so much more than students and teachers. Just because they are finding it hard to go through the "new normal" does NOT mean we should not carry on with the school year. 

WHAT CAN WE DO INSTEAD?

• #LigtasNaBalikEskwela
• Instead of calling for a freeze, call out instead our bird-brained government officials to ensure a safe school year. How? Make them do mass testing and contact tracing, and make them secure a better health system (yes, we've been trying to bludgeon them into these for moooooonths now but please do not stop). Call out the government, especially the Department of Health, to give us a highly competent pandemic response. Implore them to listen to experts and not their nonsensical egos. Call for better budget allocation (wag nang i-defend yung white sand ng Manila Bay please!). Petition for quality personal hygiene facilities in schools even way before letting kids physically come back to school. 
• If you are a student, change your stupid mindset on school tasks
• Try to not look at your school tasks as just another stressors in your already stressful life. Your mindset should be "I should do this to learn" and not "I should do this to pass." You might complain of having loads of assignments, but I bet half of your assignments can actually be done in less than 15 minutes if you really give your mind into it. Gaya nga ng laging sinasabi ng nanay ko, "Obey first before you complain." You might surprise yourself.
• If you are a teacher, change your stupid mindset on assigning tasks
• Yours is not the only subject your students are dealing with. Wag masyadong pa-major sa dami ng ipapagawa. Quantity of tasks does not necessarily equate to quality of learning. Now, if your superior is requiring you to give a certain number of tasks to your student, why not take a big task, and break it into "chunks" so that it will look like it is a lot of tasks already. I got this idea from one of the teachers of a student I am tutoring right now. They are required to give students 4 sets of required tasks. What the teacher did was he gave a reading activity. Set 1 of the required task is reading a story, Set 2 is listing the characters down, Set 3 is summarizing the story through a plot line, and Set 4 is reflection. See, instead of cramming all these into just one task with follow up questions, he divided them into smaller, more easily achievable tasks. Another way of lessening tasks is by collaborating with teachers from other subjects and see if you can integrate at least two subjects into one task. My co-teachers and I have done this several times during face-to-face classes, so we could probably make this work, too, in new normal setting.

TL;DR I do not support Academic Freeze. To me the cons outweigh the pros. We can direct our voices onto other things to improve the current education situation instead.

WAKANDA FOREVER 🖤

Rarely do I get sad about celebrity deaths. 

Sure, I did cry when Rico Yan died, I cried a bit when Alan Rickman died, and that's just about it. I have never really sad about any celebrity deaths. They're pretty much just regular people I never got to meet, is all. 

But Chadwick Boseman's death hit quite differently.

I never really was Boseman's fan (unlike I was with Yan and Rickman). I must admit, I really only knew him because he played Black Panther in the MCU. I haven't even seen any of his other projects, and I've seen only a few of his interviews. So I really couldn't put a finger down as to why I am greatly affected by his demise. 

Maybe it's because he's a king in the entertainment industry in his every little way. You see, a great king does not abandon his subjects for comfort. Boseman did not abandon his fans, as well as MCU fans, even while he was battling cancer. People would actually say, " I can't believe that he was already sick back then!" He did not abandon those who repeatedly asked him to do the "Wakanda Forever" salute even when he reportedly hated it. He did not abandon his followers even when he was bashed by the smallest minds when lost so much weight. He was a king when he agreed to be the face of one revolutionary mainstream superhero movie. Most importantly, from the looks of it, he was a real king to his family and friends even when he was already hurting.

But even the greatest kings fall.

And with Boseman's fall, we are reminded that we are connected to him in one way or another. As King T'Challa said, "More connects us than separates us." It’s may as well be the reason why his death saddened me a lot. 

If only he could come back like this IRL 😢
©Disney and Marvel Studios

I wish the Boseman family could somehow find peace in knowing that Chadwick's pain is now over. 

'Bad' tired; 'Good' tired

Right now, I am so fucking tired and so fucking hungry. Never had been THIS tired since the COVID-19 pandemic hit the country. Nevertheless, I have been so tired since March.

It was the 'bad' kind of tired I felt for five dragging months. I wasn't really physically tired (albeit all the workouts I do), but I was tired in other aspects. Although I am fairly introverted, I still want to be with small crowds every now and then. Five loooong months of having no crowds to be with was a bit emotionally and mentally tiring. Don't get me wrong, I love my family to bits, but seeing and talking to the same set of people for five months on end really got into my merves. The occasional phone calls and video calls from my friends didn't help either, as it was more frustrating to talk towards a gadget than it was to talk to actual people.

The disheartening governance of our public officials also contributed to this 'bad' tired thing. When your country has got public officials who do not listen to sound science and ground-level leaders when they absolutely have to, you know you are fucked. I won't enumerate na what frustrating things our government have done (and not done) these five months (and counting); they're all over the news and social media. You can search them online, but if you love yourself, please don't do that. You see, I also stopped closely monitoring news about our government's response to the pandemic for the sake of my mental health. 

Officially, I was employed for a month then unemployed for four months during the community quarantine. This is another nail on the 'bad' tired coffin for me. Yes I got tutoring gigs both online and home-based, but they weren't really enough to pay all my bills. Plus, my home-based tutorials met their abrupt end when active COVID cases increased in our barangay. I also wasn't built to be a sales person. Tried selling my pre-loved goodies, but then realized that I have got no energy for that. Tried to engage in online shits that promise good money, but I am just too skeptical to continue.

Today though, was a different kind of tired for me. It was 'good' tired. Nah, not just 'good,' but 'goooooood.' I am just some few steps from being officially employed again! I had just passed my training to ba a Math fellow! I had just finished the tasks for my tutoring gig! My sister-in-law and my boyfriend are employed again! My boyfriend has just got his motorcycle! Okay, that's probably too trivial already.

It was liked five excruciating months of being a tambay, then, boom! Opportunities left and right! Blessings from up above! Lifts from down below!

It was really a 'gooooooood' tired kind of week.