First Day Chronicles 2.0

08.22.22

I never really did well on first days.

Today was the first day of being back to face-to-face classes since the COVID-19 pandemic started. Yesterday, I conditioned myself that I am beyond prepared for my first F2F class as a public school teacher.

I have never been more wrong.

Perhaps in this profession, there really is nothing that's certain. Even though I have quite prepared myself for this day, major bumps still rattled me.

Husband and I were too excited to go to school that we left home at 4AM. By 5AM, I was already at school. It was quite chilling to be the only one in the building while it's still dark. I was reminded of the ghost stories my colleagues told me, and I was literally trembling while opening the door to our Math Center. But my trembling quickly went away as I opened my bag to bring out my things, finding out that I left my phones at home! What a way to start the day! I am now devoid of any means of real-time communications with my heads, my colleagues, and my husband. Then I found out that I also left my masterlist of students at home, so I had to print another copy. But then I didn't have my phone and the center didn't have LAN or WiFi networks, and my files were saved in my cloud storage. I had to go down my classroom to connect to the LAN there, then go back up the center to print my masterlist. 

Then came my first period class. It was my advisory class. Things were actually going quite well until 7AM. My teacher's schedule indicates that by 7AM, there should already be another teacher taking over. 7:15 came and went, then 7:30, then 7:45, then 8:00. Since I have planned for activities that will last only for an hour, I was already quickly running out of ideas of what I will have my students do. Then I saw one of my co-teachers in the grade level, that's when she told me that we were actually supposed to stay in our advisory class until 9:00. Apparently it was announced through our faculty group chat, which I was not able to read since I f-cking left my phones at home. So of course, as a teacher, I needed to think quickly. Good thing I was able to come up with first day activities that could kill time without looking like I was only killing time.

Then, I went to my 2nd class for the day at 9AM. On the class program, my schedule for this class was only until 9:50AM. But we were having fun with the class introduction activities, perhaps too much fun, that we actually ran out of time. It was quite embarrassing that the next teacher had to literally call me out to tell me that she's supposed to go next.

Third class came and at least this one was quite an enjoyable class. However, there was just one tiny little hiccup: I forgot my "lines." While I was discussing my classroom rules, I had to pause for about 15 seconds to remember what I wanted to say. I then resorted to the classic TV commercial "Bawal ang pork..." but my students, being Gen Z, were not able to relate. 

Then I had my long break for an hour. By the last period, I was already  exhausted and dazed and confused. I entered the wrong f-ckng classroom. It was so awkward when the class's real teacher at that time knocked and asked, "Ma'am, may conflict po yata tayo sa schedule?" And when I checked mine, I realized I was supposed to be on the other side of the building. I apologized profusely to the teacher. It was a good thing that she was so understanding.

So there, no matter how much I prepared myself, I wasn't. 

I guess I'll just have to make it up for the rest of the school year.

*1st draft written on the 1st day of class. Got too tired to finish it within the week. 

They left... and it's great!

I keep seeing profile picture updates from my former [private school] students who transferred out to another school. Each time I do, my heart leaps a little leap of joy.

This is not to be vindictive against my former employers. It's just that I love these students so much that I want them to explore their full potentials outside their safest littlest comfort zone — the school they grew up in. On retrospect of my student life, I know full well how detrimental thriving in a small comfort zone is.

It's a law of physics, "an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless an outside force acts upon it." It's the same with people. We tend to stay in our comforting little bubbles, because there's no one challenging us from the inside. We tend to become little robots, following only what's the norm inside our safe havens. Then, the moment we are forced out of our comfort zone after eons of staying in it, we falter. We trip and we fall, not knowing how to walk on a field with a different gravity with the place we were so comfortable with.

We tend to be complacent with what we do, exerting only the bare minimum to "survive." We do not exert our maximum efforts, thinking that "Hey, I was able to pass this way before; it turned out fine." When we are comfortable, we tend to laze away with the mediocrity. Because we were already triumphant with our bare minimum, we repeatedly act at exceedingly comfortable levels that we so often give creativity up in exchange for compliance. Yet we get rewarded. We get lionized just because we completed our  tasks — tasks that were so routinely done. 

Inside our comfort zones, we risk the danger of losing our sense of self. The more we are challenged, the more we know about ourselves. We learn what makes us tick, what requires us to quit. We find out the full potential of what we can contribute to the world we live in. Lounging too much in our comfort zones kills most of our opportunities to unleash our full potentials.

My students left their comfort zones... and that is great! This is not to vilify those who stayed, that is also perfectly okay. I just wish for their personal growth though, that they continually find ways to push outside their bubbles little by little. I wish that they try to push the walls they, and their environment, have built around themselves. I wish that they continually expand their horizons, making their comfort zones bigger and bigger as they grow older. #

Angels

 Your dead friend is now your angel.

And just when you lack the motivation to go on, he'll appear on your Memories to remind you of why you even started. You started for the almost the same reason he did - to somehow right the wrongs you made in your youth. So, remember that he was there with you through all the frustrating whole-day weekend Math classes. Remember that he was there with you to buy you that cup of ice cream to cool your head of the frustrations you were airing. That he was there with you to help you fix your misjudgments of your beau. That he was there with you to pour you a drink for all your troubles, for all your heartbreaks, and even for all your achievements - however little, however extravagant. Trust me when I say, that even when he's gone, he will still be there for you. He will still be there for you. Even when you weren't there for him to pour him a drink for the last time.

Your dead friend is now your angel.

And just when your heart has become too weary to be happy, he'll appear on your Memories to remind you that happiness is right where you are. Perhaps, you just needed to turn around a bit to see happiness clumped in a corner just behind you. Perhaps, you just needed to sprint a very short distance to join happiness in that very fleeting moment. Your friend will remind you that he was there, too, there in that perfect snapshot of happiness of that moment. So, remember that he will be happy to see you choose happiness amidst the toxicity of everything. Remember that he will be happy to see you conquer the challenges you are facing right now, just as you would have conquered the steep slopes of that mountain he told you about. Remember that he will be ecstatic to see you smile, to see you laugh, even when you were not able to see him do so in his death bed.

Your dead aunt is now your angel.

And just when your burdens have begun to feel as heavy as she was all those years ago that you had been her human walking stick on the way home, she'll appear on your Memories to remind you that your very core is as strong as your arms back then. So, remember that your heart may be heavy, and you may not know why it is so, but please, please remember, that you can carry it home, wherever home would be in this life. Remember that you have strong arms to lift the burdens you have up above. Remember that you can carry them while walking little step by little step towards your goal. your would be home.

You won't be needing additional angels. No, not right now. 

Your loved ones need not you to be their angel. No, not right now. So remember to live. Live and do not be just another memory. 

#

The New Year Post

2020 was a challenging year for me (mostly mentally). I barely made it out of 2020 alive, literally. 

And since I am still breathing as 2021 starts, I thought maybe a rundown of major blessings is in order. Here are the biggest, most treasured blessings I had for the past year. 

1. My mom survived COVID-19. She was fairly healthy, and so she remained asymptomatic during the time she contacted the virus. I am extremely thankful to have had a healthy set of parents even when they're at their old age.

2. My career has *really* started. While I have already been teaching for three years, but that was in a private school. This year I got got in the ranking for public school teacher applicants. By September, I got my school assignment and started my teacher duties right away.

3. I think I got saved from suicide. The last few weeks of November up to the first week of December took a toll on me. I constantly saw myself dead in my dreams or in epiphanies. A forced phone call from a dear friend saved me. [I haven't fully recovered yet. I still don't want to talk to people other than family and most trusted friends, but I am now doing better than I did the night I thought I would die.]

4. My boyfriend got his first motorcycle. It was such a convenience to have. We can go out whenever we want (to some extent) without having to risk commuting.

5. I've got really supportive new co-teachers. Due to the new normal setting, I have never met most of them in person. I kinda suck at camaraderie during face-to-face situations, and work-from-home settings heightened this on me. So it was such a blessing that my co-teachers were very supportive and approachable even when I haven't seen them yet.

You know how movie sequels are usually not as impactful as the first installment? I have this weird a feeling that 2021 would be like that. It's the nine-month long 2020 movie but with less stress. It's the 2020 movie with a blander plot though hopefully better ending.

I still don't feel like telling stories, so I guess I'll keep this post short.

Welcome, 2021! Happily blessed New Year to all! 😊🎉

Buried Stories

Back in grade school, I wanted to be a writer.

Graduation retreat 2005, our retreat facilitator asked us to draw a symbol of what we wanted to do in ten years. I distinctly remember drawing a quill and a bottle of ink on a quarter of a long bond paper.

I hid that paper until just before I entered my 3rd year in high school.

Up to that point, I believed that I really could write moving stories crafted with words so poignant it might melt my readers' hearts. I was wrong. You see, I know I could write. The thing is, I couldn't continue writing. I'd think of an idea, a topic, a story, and I'd actually start to write them down. I'd get short, powerful outbursts of inspiration that would get me writing for hours, even days... until I stop to rest. And when I rest, my writing halts. I would not know how to go on with the story or topic I was writing about anymore.

***

Fourth grade. I had dreamt of being a young poet-novelist. I had this idea of a writing style for my first novel: prose juxtaposed with poetry within the novel. A young man writing a never-ending song to the woman who holds his heart. Every events of their colorful love story would merit a part of the song that plays on the background inside the young man's head that only he could hear.

However, there were two major setbacks of making that happen then. First, I had no experience whatsoever in romantic love. What I knew about love back then were what I had seen in the movies, or had read in novels and fairytales. Second, I started writing it with the phrase "Once upon a time in a faraway land" which could be fine if  only it was meant to be a fairytale. But it isn't. So when I pitched it to my closest classmate at that time, she just laughed and said I was too corny to be writing.

So I stopped it.

Come the final years of grade school, I would be the feature writer of our school paper. The writer dream was still with me, albeit a different kind of writing. But whenever I write, my classmate's words -- "masyado kang korni" -- would play in my head the way the never-ending song was supposed to play in my protagonist's head.

***

Seventh grade. I enrolled in a special arts program at school focusing on Creative Writing. I thought being in a formal program on writing would help me with my "outbursts" problem, what with it being a regular after-acads class. And I thought it somehow did, honestly. When we were just starting, I could write a healthy mix of poems and short stories impromptu. Our CW teacher would task us to write five to ten poems, or a five-minute creative speech, or a complete short story just in a day and I would deliver. I felt like I could really go on being the writer I had wanted to be.

I was wrong.

Just about five months into the program, I felt writing's appeal slipping through me. I started to turn up to class fewer and fewer times, and opted to attend the other art classes (particularly theater) instead. To me, the other art classes were a welcome distraction, an exploration, even, of what I can do outside of writing. I could still write, but my writings were not as inspired as they used to be in the first five months. It went like that until I "explored" another field: Mathematics.

Unlike literature, which I have loved from when I was a little child, my relationship with Mathematics had always been a tumultuous one. I hated it, I loved it, I hated it, I loved it. The cycle went on and on and on like that at different times of my life.

It was during the dying days of eighth grade that I figured, I may have loved Mathematics more than writing. Just before I entered ninth grade, I threw away that little piece of paper with the drawing of a quill and a pen. I decided, I am not going to be a writer anymore.

So I stopped writing.

I still wrote in the form of news articles for the school paper. But, I definitely stopped writing.

***

Tenth grade. Blogs and Creative Corner stories (kids today would know these as Wattpad stories) were gaining attention among us girls at school. Once again, I took interest in writing a novel, like what I did back in fourth grade. But it wasn't the story on the never-ending song -- I did not know how to go on with that anymore. It was about a lost love that has come back to collect from his beau.

I did not start writing that novel right away. Rather, I "tested the waters" first. You see, that "masyado kang korni" still played in my head whenever I tried to write. So to test the waters, I started a little journal of anecdotes. It was an open journal for anyone in the class to read. My closest friends loved my writing style in that journal, and the others really took interest in it. That journal served as my morale booster. Soon after, I started to write the novel.

Every time I finish a chapter of that novel, I'd make my closest friends read it. Some would praise my writing style, some would check my grammar, and some would question the authenticity of the feelings evoked by my chapters. That was where I failed. My novel was not authentic enough to be a mirror of life. How could I even write a novel about love when the closest I had to a having a love life at that time was receiving an anonymous pwede-bang-manligaw note?

So I stopped writing.

In attempting to write that novel, I realized, I was not living fully during high school. I have never invested enough in my emotional bank to be able to create a piece that mirrors the intricacies of life.

***

2011. I started blogging across different platforms (Blogspot, Tumblr, WordPress). I thought I'd be better off writing anecdotes than writing a novel, and blogging was the most convenient way to write without a lot of people noticing.

So yes, I was writing again: anecdotes, short stories, essays, and even poor attempts at poetry. It went well over a year. Until I was struck with depression.

So I stopped writing. Again.

I lost the will to think of what to write. Those were the times I constantly did not want to get out of bed. I wasn't even taking care of myself, much less my interests. I dropped out of university. I went AWOL to all of my friends. I just lost interest in life.

Never have I told anyone about the complete story of that stage in my life. And until now, I'd rather have that time buried deep in my memories than open it up to anybody.

***

2014. I went back to schooling. I also went back to written journaling.

I made attempts here and there to revive my interest in writing. Made some "I am back!" posts on my blog. Written short pieces of poetry on my journal, on top of the usual anecdotes. But it was futile. I found writing more of a task than of a hobby.

So I stopped trying to write again.

***

2020. I can say that I'm probably more mentally stable now than the past few years. And though I teach Maths now, that love for writing I had is starting to grow once again. Within the years I had stopped writing there were a lot of experiences I gained, emotions I felt, friends that came and went, and ideas that passed by so swiftly I was not able to get hold of them longer. 

I could probably attempt to write once in a while now. Maybe not a novel anymore. It's a good thing we have become so mobile in anything that I can write with my phone whenever and wherever. As Bob Ong has once written, "kapag binisita ka ng idea, gana o inspirasyon, kailangan mong itigil LAHAT ng ginagawa mo para lang di masayang ang pagkakataon. Walang 'sandali lang' o 'teka muna'. Dahil pag lumagpas ang maikling panahong yon, kahit mag-umpog ka ng ulo sa pader mahihirapan ka nang maghabol. The instantaneous fulfillment of being able to write what's on my mind could bring balance to my already tiring world. The stories, the feelings, as much as possible, these should not remain buried deep in anyone's soul. They spice up our world, they help us as humans grow.

I'll try not to stop writing now.

#

First Day Chronicles

First days had always been a struggle for me. 

When I was in kindergarten, the first day of school was scary as shit. It was the first time I am left alone with no one I know with me. I remember that I almost cried that day, but stopped myself when I saw another kid cry and it was really squeamish. 

Fourth grade. It was my first time enrolling in a public school. I think my mom laid me on a little bit too much to my teachers. The first day was particularly beleaguering. I kept feeling my adviser's eyes on me. I kind of felt like I had to be this perfect little private school-bred lady: quiet, prim, and proper. Which I am, on most levels, definitely NOT.

The first day in high school was a good blend of scary and enchanting (though mostly tipping on scary). I was so used to small buildings from my elementary school that the "towering" four-storey buildings felt suffocating, yet so captivating, as if my dreams of fairytale teenage life were just some winks away. Maybe I'll get bullied. Maybe a senior will take notice of me and be my knight in shining armor. Maybe not just one senior will take notice. Maybe a varsity player will make me his muse. Maybe I'll be this school's "it" girl. (For the record, only one of these maybe's happened: I got bullied. No senior, not even a batchmate, really took notice. Our school did not have a varsity team. I was borderline nerdy and sooo not "it" girl material. High school was in no way like the movies, to my imperceptible dismay.) Those dreams which, not even one day into high school, got shattered by me tripping over the metal drainage grates along the side of the gym what with my too big black leather shoes, and by me getting noticed all for unpleasant reasons what with my too big baggy shirt. It was quite telling of how chaotic my high school  life would somehow become.

Take the "scary and enchanting" bit of first day in high school and multiply that for about a thousand times. That was how the first day inside the university felt (again, tipping more on scary). It was not formal classes yet, just an orientation. And although I had one of my best high school buddies with me as a blockmate, I still wasn't able to shake that feeling of "littleness" (ironic, considering how tall I am). There was just something about the century-old, massive-land-area, country's top university in the heart of a bustling city that makes you feel severely insignificant despite all your earlier achievements. This feeling of insignificance was heightened even more during the first day of class. For the first time in my student life, I felt like I was the dumbest inside the classroom. Just my first university classmates' stances were enough for me to know that the honors I received prior to university are merely shams. No real bearing. No real worth.

The first day I stopped studying, I was like a ghost floating aimlessly. I had so many questions in mind which revolved into just a huge one: What the f-ck went wrong with me? 

The first day back to college, when I decided it's time to straighten the f-ck up, I was doubly awkward. It was like fourth grade all over again. Some professors knew I came from a premier university, so I felt their watchful eyes, bordering on judgment and amusement. I was already aboard a luxury ship, why descend to lowly bangka? Some classmates knew I came from a premier university, so I felt their even more watchful eyes. Why am I here? (Couple of months later, I learned that I wasn't alone: some classmates were in the same situation as I, which, honestly, made my transition to "doubly awkward" to "quite confident" smoother than I have imagined.)

The first day after college graduation was anxiety-inducing. It was the end of life as I knew it and the beginning of life as I'll know it. I am no longer merely a student. I'll be part of a workforce. I'll be an adult really acting as an adult. While employment after graduation wasn't really of question (I was hired weeks prior), the thought of meeting another set of people to come to terms with once again scared me.

Dangerously treading on hypocrisy, I guess, started on the first day of my first job. This was the first time I had attended something deeply religious for years. Deep in my heart, I knew, how I felt during this particular first day foreshadowed how my sojourn there generally went about: light-hearted doused with pretense.

The first day of the community quarantine was the start of five months — probably more? I stopped counting — of uncertainty. While it almost coincided with my most awaited end of contract, I did not picture it the way it unfolded. I had already imagined how I would say goodbye to my lovely students, how I would say sorry if I was not as loving and guiding towards them as I would have wanted to be, how I would tell them that I'd really appreciate it if they'll choose to let me stay in their hearts even a little bit more than the school year. Alas, COVID ruined that. As I don't really do well in impersonal goodbyes, I felt like I'll never be able to move on from something that I have not literally waved goodbye to.

Now, it is my first day as a public school teacher. It is extremely different with how I had imagined it to be when I passed the board exam. COVID prompted all schools to delay the start of classes, as well as to utilize a skeletal workforce. The prospect of me being the only new teacher at this school is terrifying. The fact that I am away from people I am already comfortable being with makes this first day despairing. The nearly-empty corridors make this first day even scarier than all the other first days I had so far. I am lost yet I have exactly no one and everyone to guide me. I am lonely yet I have exactly no one and everyone to be with me. 

First days have always been a struggle for me.

#

Freeze the #AcademicFreeze

I get it, we are all adjusting. Students, teachers, parents, other stakeholders - we are are all shocked by the sudden change in education brought about by COVID-19 pandemic. But let us weigh in several factors before jumping into the trend that is #AcademicFreezeNow. Because, like it or not, students and teachers are not the only people involved in education.

ACADEMIC FREEZE - PROS

• Safer from virus
• It's easy: No classes of any kind, no physical contacts aside from family (ideally). Teachers will not have to report to school (some schools with online class platforms still require their teachers to come to school). Parents will not have to commute to pick up learning modules. Students will not have to make rakets big or small in order to finance their online classes needs. Basically, no real reason to go out and risk contacting COVID-19 aside from catering to the very basic needs during an academic freeze.
• More time to get ready
• DepEd and CHED both are JUST. NOT. GROUND-LEVEL. READY. FOR. DISTANCE. LEARNING. There, I've said it. I have seen firsthand how teachers struggle to learn how to navigate through technology despite a gazillion of webinars made available online. I have read some modules distributed online by teachers and school heads are just not proofread thoroughly (and who can even forget that DepEd test broadcast fiasco?). I have attended webinars that underwent difficulties due to intermittent internet connection (same would basically happen in an online class). Teachers are not going to be able to relearn and adapt to new ways of doing their jobs in just a matter of months. Quality education will not be assured by sub-par modules as alternative learning materials. Finally, unless PLf---ingDT, Globe f----ing Telecom, and other internet service providers actually provide us with the internet service we pay for, online classes will just be a vacuous farce. A time-bound academic freeze will give more time for everyone involved to address these needs for a quality distance learning.
• Economic and social relief of certain degree for families
• In every social media posts vehemently pushing for an Academic Freeze, there sure will be statements there along the lines of, "Pambili na nga lang ng pagkain, ipanglo-load pa" or "Hindi lahat ay conducive ang bahay o pamilya para sa pag-aaral" or "Handa ang ibang ibaba ang dignidad para maitawid ang pang-online class." [It is my understanding that most of these posts come from college students since CHED did not really give other options for tertiary education to continue other than thru online learning]. An academic freeze sure can help families focus their meager budget on basic necessities amidst the pandemic.
• Mental health break
• Living through a pandemic is already really shitty enough as it is. Having additional tasks for mere compliance with would really take a toll both on the learners and on the teachers. In some schools that have already started online classes, I have seen learners struggle to comply with an average of 4-5 unique learning tasks per week per subject!! (Not including quizzes and self-reflection activities). Multiply that to 7-9 subjects they enrolled in, so that's about 28-45 unique tasks per week! In the face-to-face set up, never have I ever seen a student accomplish such mountain of school tasks in a week (even when I was the student). It is pretty much the same scenario with the teachers. Teachers, on top of developing lessons in platforms they are not familiar with, will have to check thousands of outputs submitted by their learners (this is especially taxing with modular approach), and do loads of clerical work on their own. In the face-to-face set up, teachers can actually assign some of their clerical work (like checking of attendance, or checking of assignments) to responsible volunteer students. I can only imagine all the stress and anxiety these workloads for students and teachers alike would cause amidst the hovering problem of a global pandemic.

ACADEMIC FREEZE - CONS

• Unemployment of private school employees
• Teachers are not the only employees of private schools. There are counselors, registrars, clerks, accountants, IT workers, maintenance and security personnel to consider. In the event of an academic freeze, private school owners will not have the financial source to continue employing these people. Since the pandemic hit the Philippines, a number of small private schools have already declared bankruptcy, leaving their employees unemployed at a time when finding employment is much elusive. An academic freeze will only further the unemployment rate of the country, leaving more families struggling financially.
• Unemployment of people from industries that cater to education
• When we talk of education, our viewpoint should not stop in schools. For education to flourish, schools have to seek industries that cater to their cause. These industries may include, but not limited to, publishing houses, LMS providers, training institutes, and supplemental product makers. With an academic freeze, these industries will have no clients, consequently, no need for employees. As with the case with private schools laying off employees during an academic freeze, this will only add up to our country's already failing unemployment rate.
• Widening the gap between rich and poor
• I have seen several posts advocating for an academic freeze saying that continuing the school year will further widen the gap between the rich and the poor because of digital divide. I beg to disagree. Suppose an academic freeze pushes through here in the country. The rich will have the option instead to enroll on online platforms of schools abroad. They can continue their formal schooling. They can continue learning. They can move forward. Meanwhile the poor who depends on the government education programs for their schooling will remain in their current place. They'll be stuck in being uneducated. Then rich and ambitious opportunists will take advantage of the poor who remained uneducated. (Okay, I'm getting really far-fetched here but I do hope you see the picture). At least with modules and TV/radio broadcast options, the poor can still have access to formal education and the gap in education brought by the digital divide will be narrower.
• Anxiety due to schooling delays
• Some supporters of academic freeze would like to suspend any schooling activities until  the country has already won against the pandemic. The question though is, WHEN WILL THAT HAPPEN?? With the incompetent, deaf-and-blind, government leadership we have now, can we truly expect Philippines to win against COVID-19 anytime soon? For all we know, this could last for several years. What will happen to those who expect to graduate from their dream courses in a year or two? Those whose target scholarship grants rely on them finishing their schooling as soon as possible? How about those children who were caught doing their homeworks under the light of fastfood chains and book shops, how anxious would they be if their schooling stops abruptly because of reasons they cannot take control of? Anxiety due to schooling delays is as real and as burdensome as anxiety due to loads of required school work.
• Little to no guided work for most school-age children
• Part of the mandate of state-funded basic education is to teach at least basic reading, writing, and arithmetic to school-age children. To ensure their learning, it is especially crucial not to delay schooling for very young children as this is the time when literacy and numeracy is being developed. Delays in learning will have a negative compounding effect in the latter years. In an event of an academic freeze, there will be little to no guided work for most school-age children dedicated for their learning. Those who have access to gadgets and the internet will consume a lot more unhealthy screen time with no impact on their development. On the other hand, those underprivileged children will not even consider finding resources for learning (which the government could have provided to them for free) as it is not their priority. As such, we could expect a steeper decline in the level of reading comprehension and numeracy skills of younger Filipinos than what we had right before the pandemic struck.

MY STAND?

I actually used to support academic freeze. But after trying to weigh in more realities into my opinion, I now think, far more sectors will be adversely affected by an academic freeze compared to continuing the school year. There is no 100% "good" way to solve this education dilemma we have now. Whichever way our government goes with this, there will be people who are negatively affected, but then again, I'd rather choose fewer sectors suffer. The harsh reality is, education is so much more than students and teachers. Just because they are finding it hard to go through the "new normal" does NOT mean we should not carry on with the school year. 

WHAT CAN WE DO INSTEAD?

• #LigtasNaBalikEskwela
• Instead of calling for a freeze, call out instead our bird-brained government officials to ensure a safe school year. How? Make them do mass testing and contact tracing, and make them secure a better health system (yes, we've been trying to bludgeon them into these for moooooonths now but please do not stop). Call out the government, especially the Department of Health, to give us a highly competent pandemic response. Implore them to listen to experts and not their nonsensical egos. Call for better budget allocation (wag nang i-defend yung white sand ng Manila Bay please!). Petition for quality personal hygiene facilities in schools even way before letting kids physically come back to school. 
• If you are a student, change your stupid mindset on school tasks
• Try to not look at your school tasks as just another stressors in your already stressful life. Your mindset should be "I should do this to learn" and not "I should do this to pass." You might complain of having loads of assignments, but I bet half of your assignments can actually be done in less than 15 minutes if you really give your mind into it. Gaya nga ng laging sinasabi ng nanay ko, "Obey first before you complain." You might surprise yourself.
• If you are a teacher, change your stupid mindset on assigning tasks
• Yours is not the only subject your students are dealing with. Wag masyadong pa-major sa dami ng ipapagawa. Quantity of tasks does not necessarily equate to quality of learning. Now, if your superior is requiring you to give a certain number of tasks to your student, why not take a big task, and break it into "chunks" so that it will look like it is a lot of tasks already. I got this idea from one of the teachers of a student I am tutoring right now. They are required to give students 4 sets of required tasks. What the teacher did was he gave a reading activity. Set 1 of the required task is reading a story, Set 2 is listing the characters down, Set 3 is summarizing the story through a plot line, and Set 4 is reflection. See, instead of cramming all these into just one task with follow up questions, he divided them into smaller, more easily achievable tasks. Another way of lessening tasks is by collaborating with teachers from other subjects and see if you can integrate at least two subjects into one task. My co-teachers and I have done this several times during face-to-face classes, so we could probably make this work, too, in new normal setting.

TL;DR I do not support Academic Freeze. To me the cons outweigh the pros. We can direct our voices onto other things to improve the current education situation instead.

Bern, the coming back

For years, I had wanted to write anything again.

For years, I had not a single grain of energy nor the inspiration to write anything again.

I'm guessing it was because I was too caught up in things that I should do. I was determined BEFORE to make this blog my online journal. However 2016-2017 proved to be the busiest year in my life as an Education student. Between the teaching demos, class reporting, field studies, school organization duties, and stupendous projects, I didn't find time to write, even through traditional pen-and-paper journaling. Sure there were some moments in those years worth writing about - and I right now regret not writing about them - but back then I was just too physically tired to spend some extra time writing.

I had my first teaching job from June 2017 to the beginning of March 2020. These were the years that were the epitome of "tired" in my life. My first year of teaching was physically exhilarating. Physically, just that, physically. The following two years were physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. It even came to a point in my third year of teaching when I am not sure if I still can give love to my students anymore, because merely stepping into that place just drains me out of love. You see, as a teacher, it is hard if you cannot give even an ounce of love to your students. I am pretty sure the bad year they had was because I wasn't able to pour as much love to them as I did to my students the first two years. What's worse is that, my students were NOT at fault for it; some ~higher forces~ in that place was mainly at fault. I don't cry often at school but there were times I would just daydream of getting the hell out of that place and abandon everything that's in there, including the unassuming kids. Yep, that bad.

The five-month-quarantine imposed by the government would have been a good time for me to start writing again, especially the first few weeks. But between the tiredness of the past few years and the imminent danger of contacting COVID, I chose to just chill it out and do nothing but eat and sleep during the first two or three weeks of quarantine. Sure I revisited some of my beloved books and watched some dope shows, but it didn't get me started to want to write again. The weeks after that, I was just too mentally tired from every shitty thing that has and hasn't happen. And trust me, mentally tired is waaaay worse than physically tired.

Then the show The Big Bang Theory came yet again in my life. 

You see, I have watched this show before and I quite identify with Leonard and Sheldon's life as lovable nerds. But I watched it before through pirated DVDs (please don't jail me) where the end credits would be cut off probably to save space, plus I kind of stopped watching in the fourth or fifth season. So recently I re-watched it on Netflix (legally! I really pay for my subscription, ha!) and, boy what a relatively great decision I made! The little gems called Chuck Lorre Production Vanity Cards stirred me into wanting to write again.

One of Chuck Lorre's vanity cards in TBBT

You see, these vanity cards are just short whatnots at the end of every episode, but dang, they were funny! Now I admit I am not even half as funny as Chuck Lorre, but he sure made me want to go back to writing. I mean, Lorre writes just about ANYTHING in his vanity cards: production anecdotes, personal musings, wild imaginations, etc. So I thought, if he can write in short bursts, maybe I can too!

So I am now reviving this blog for the sake of my personal musings. The beauty of this blog is that not too many people follows this (unlike my Facebook account which a lot of my students follow); I could somehow post just about anything I want without fear of students reading HAHAHA 😂.

I am coming back. 💓

No Panty Day

No, I didn't participate today.

Though I've had my own experience of "No Panty Day." And even a "Side-B" day.

Call me gross, or whatevs, but it's true.

There was a time when I had classes from Monday to Saturday, and whole-day extra curricular on Sundays. So during that time, I almost had no wash day. I was always out from sun up to almost midnight.

Then one unfortunate day, I just ran out of panties to wear. To think that I have more than two dozens of panties! Hah! And because the night before that, I came home so late and so tired, I wasn't able to wash even one. So that day, I just slipped on my jeans, without undies.

Then there was another day I also ran out of panties. Since the panty I used the day before wasn't THAT soiled (I use panty liners kasi), I turned to Side-B, put a panty liner, and went on to class.

I even tried the Side-B thing with socks.

And so I have learned my lesson. The semester after that, I promised to myself that never again will I get classes scheduled on Monday and Saturday. And never again will I have extra curricular on Sundays. So that I will have two rest days and one wash day.

I’ve made mistakes in life.

I’ve let people take advantage of me and I’ve expected way less than I deserve.

But I have learned from my bad choices and, even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I know next time I will never settle for anything less than what I deserve.

The Cagayan Getaway

Day 6: The Departure

Pretty much the same as our trip to Cagayan. Got lost in the way again(I told you everyone in our family has no sense of direction). This time though, we traveled with my aunt and nieces and with the pasalubong.

Duck meat... Napurga ako diyan.

Star apples!

Madre de Cacao

Brotha with the aunt and the niece-s (the other niece was at the back---see her hands up?).

My dad the driver

Love the sunset

Wuzz dizz?

Good girls gone bad... the nieces when they awoke from a night's sleep while on the road.

We passed by Bocaue to purchase some fireworks for the New Year.

Home at last.

So there...

The Cagayan Getaway

Days 3-5: The Stay

Food! Glorious food!

Yeah, we never ran out of something to eat when we were in Battung. We go to one house, they offer food. We go to another, they offer food. We go the another, again, they offer food. AND coffee. Yes, coffee. It's like their staple drink there. We eat breakfast, there's coffee. We eat morning snack, there's coffee. We eat lunch, there's coffee. We eat afternoon snack, there's coffee. We eat supper, there's coffee (but of course, that's a bit exaggerated). They don't make kapeng barako anymore, though, unlike when I was younger. Now they settle for instant coffee.



The Next Generation

Oh, there were soooo many kids there. I actually found it hard to have an alone time 'cause these kids kept on bugging me.

Erika

Chloe, the youngest of the Cannu clan.

JC and Ian

Sons of my cousin. I don't know their names...

Bromance: Ian x JC???

Xyril and Rema

My brotha and the "3 Ilocanos"

Kulitan with the 3 and the camera

Reymar with Mojacko

The Ariel 3D Glasses!!! Hah...

Kids in the neighborhood

This kid's dad passed away a week before Christmas. His dad's body came from Manila to Battung on the 24th. He's very aware of what happened to his dad. When we asked him, "Is your dad sleeping?" he answered "No. He's dead." I feel so sad for this kid...

Flora and Fauna

It's like "Old McDonald had a farm, e i e i o..."

Every meal, my aunt ties this cat. Para daw hindi mangulit sa lamesa. Maingay naman.

These ducks kept on bugging the person who washes the dishes. Haha.

Would a farm be complete without a carabao?

Mother hen and her chicks under her...

They looove orchids. I don't think I saw a single house without orchids there.

There you go...

Next up: The Departure.

Wanna go for a ride?

The Cagayan Getaway

Day 2: First Day in Tuao

My mom's hometown: Tuao, Cagayan.

It's a small town about 30 minutes away from Tuguegarao, the capital city of Cagayan. And our destination in Tuao: Battung, a barangay on the corner of Tuao. Battung actually seem like sooo isolated when you're there. We had to pass thru the broken bridge folks call the "Ferry" first and enjoy a 20-minute kuliglig ride before reaching it. And we found out that there were no FM radio stations whose frequency can reach there. And there were only two TV stations: ABS-CBN and GMA. And cellphone signal is so weak we had to go outside the house to pick it up. And it was sooo cold in there that I had a feeling that winter had finally fell in the Philippines, minus the snow, of course (and just my luck, I didn't bring any jacket or even long-sleeved shirts and long pants because it was hot in Bulacan when we left; I thought weather would be the same in Cagayan).


Anyway, enough of the non-sense (and probably grammatically-challenged) talk. PHOTOSPAM!!!

This is Ferry. The bridge was broken and folks there just use rocks for the bridge to be passable. This photo was taken by my brother on our third day in Cagayan. A Victory Liner bus almost got off the bridge "extension" and fell into the water. I wonder why the local government in there can't fix this bridge for good; they just settle for temporary solutions. This can be very irritating for travelers. Tsk.

Since the bridge was broken, we had to ride the banca to reach the other side of the Ferry.

Since we still had to wait for my uncle's kuliglig, we did some "photo shoots" in the Ferry.

My niece, Jam.

My brotha!

My cousin-in-law, Ate Glori.

With my cousin, Ate Meg, and niece, Jaan.

  When long wait for the kuliglig was over...

Izz the kuliglig! Ready for the ride?

Uncle Rey, the kuliglig driver.

I will always be amazed with this view of the province: coconut trees standing high in looong lines on the far ends of the fields. Wow!

Calesas!

We got in my uncle's house (where we stayed in) at around 9 am, Dec. 23. So that means, we spent 24 hours on the road! Wtf! Anyway, this is the house:

The front 'lawn.'

The restroom/kitchen/laundry area. The toilet's not here, though. It's at the back of the house, just a small hole on the lot covered by sacks.

We didn't rest as soon as we got in the house, though. We went straight to the river after changing our clothes.

My nephews, and my cousins (the tallest one and the one wearing pink) led the way to the river.

You'll mistake the river for a beach because of the coconut trees.

They played agawan buko while I took the photos.

Then the kids had the time of their lives...

So that was our first day. Truly tiring. I went straight to bed when we got back to my uncle's place.

So there...

Next up! How we spent the holiday.